


i can't speak (it's not easy)

by boxesofflowers, Eeyoreneedsahug, safficwriter



Series: oh sister, am i not a brother to you? [1]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Caring Even, Caring Isak, Evak - Freeform, Fluff, Laryngitis, M/M, Sick Even, Sick Isak, Sickfic, ah yes how the turns have tabled, big bro even!!, even has siblings, mental illness mention (very brief?), pancake making with small children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-14 00:06:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9148147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boxesofflowers/pseuds/boxesofflowers, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eeyoreneedsahug/pseuds/Eeyoreneedsahug, https://archiveofourown.org/users/safficwriter/pseuds/safficwriter
Summary: Isak has laryngitis. Even has siblings. Caretaking ensues. Isak and Even watch Stranger Things. Even doesn't know how to be taken care of but Isak’s going to try and return the favor.





	

**Author's Note:**

> From the prompt: MORE SICKFIC! You write them so well, can I get even taking care of isak?  
> You asked and we delivered. Here's some more sick fic (with our smol Heather!). P/Poe was extremely happy to deliver.  
> Title from Can’t speak by Netsky

Even had first noticed Isak coming down with this a few days ago, when he’d begun to complain about a sore throat during lunch. 

Isak first denied he had laryngitis, and after that proved futile, he claimed he didn’t need to miss school because of it, much to Even’s chagrin. But a few direct conversations (“But the 10%--” “Fuck the 10% Isak, you’re sick.”) had ended with Isak sitting in Even’s bed on a Thursday afternoon, binge watching Stranger Things and attempting to soak up as much of Even’s body heat as he can. That’s always the problem when Isak’s sick - he’s either freezing or overheating, with little to no in-between. It’s the one thing Eskild always looks for when he suspects Isak’s hiding something, and it’s always what Even seems to be able to remedy in one way or another.

“Can you talk?” Even’s voice is quiet. Isak shakes his head. Even kisses his forehead. “How do you still look so cute?” Isak smiles, looking down at his hands, embarrassed. “I know my incredible looks leave you speechless.” Even teases, making Isak’s blush deepen.

“ _Jævel._ ”1 he mutters softly into Even’s shoulder, straining his throat.

Suddenly, they’re jolted back into reality by a high-pitched scream out in the hall, followed by loud laughter. Stomping, shuffling fabric, the front door slamming shut.

“My sisters.” Even says, responding to the look of confusion on Isak’s face. “You know I have siblings.”

“Siblings?” He mouths, trying to spare his throat some abuse, and Even nods. “How many?” He rasps. 

“Shh! Voice, remember?” Even adjusts his position against Isak, moving so he’s sitting up straighter, shifting the laptop on his legs. “Four.” Isak makes a small sound of surprise, and Even places a finger on his lips. There’s more thumping outside the door.

“Ev! Open!” There’s a girl’s voice, and a rapid knocking that makes Isak’s head throb. Quickly, Even extracts himself from the blankets and Isak’s arms, and walks to the door. Immediately, Isak is freezing again, and he muffles a fit of coughs into his sweatshirt sleeve. Well, Even’s sweatshirt. He won’t mind though.

Even opens the door only a crack, and Isak catches a glimpse of his sister. She can’t be more than eight or so, she’s tiny, and she’s got a streak of blue paint on her cheek.

“Thea. I have a friend over.” He says, and it’s a voice Isak isn’t really familiar with. It’s simultaneously soft but enthusiastic - Even must reserve it for his family, because Isak’s fairly sure he’s never heard it before.

“Can’t we play? You said we could, right?” The girl doesn’t seem mad, more anxious. Isak pulls the blanket tighter around his shoulders, feeling momentarily guilty. Selfishly, though, he’s glad Even’s around to take care of him.

“I never said that. I said, ‘Thea, my friend might come over. He’s sick. If not, we can watch Ghostbusters.’ Remember?” 

“Sofia’s being a jerk.” She huffs.

“I’m sorry, Bird, I can’t help right now. You tell her I’m gonna kick her butt if she keeps it up though, okay?”

“Why can’t your friend just come with us?” 

“He’s sick. Plus, he’s a ghost, and I don’t think he’d like that movie, considering.”

“Even!” There’s another voice now, from down the hall. “Eveeeen!” Another girl appears in the doorway, a little taller, but otherwise fairly similar. “She’s lying! You need to kick her butt.”

“Hey, quiet down, alright?” Even doesn’t sound mad, but he’s definitely forceful. “My friend doesn’t feel good. His head hurts.”

“Is he dying?” The taller girl, Sofia, Isak guesses, asks. 

“No! He’s a ghost, he’s already dead!” Thea says quietly, in a patient voice that suggests that Sofia _should_ have already figured that out. 

“He’s not a ghost! Tell her she’s wrong, Even!”

“Both of you, please. C’mon.” He turns back, looking at Isak. “Can they come in for one second?” Isak nods, if only to make Even bring back his warmth, and Even opens the door.

Now that Isak can see them, he realizes they look very much like their older brother. Straight blonde hair, slight frames, big blue eyes. Thea waves from the doorway, clearly relieved when she sees that Even was indeed joking about Isak’s physical state, but Sofia runs in, screeching. Before she can get very far, Even picks her up, placing her on the wide windowsill.

“Leave Bird alone, ok?” The girl pouts, and Even sighs. “I can’t kick either of your butts, you’ll just have to get along.” The girl nods, if reluctantly, and jumps down, sprinting back out into the hall. Isak wonders if Even always has to deal with things like this. 

Even walks to the door, kneels down, and smiles at Thea. He whispers something, and Thea smiles back, running after her sister. Isak can tell she’s his favorite, and it almost makes him wish he had younger siblings of his own. Almost. 

“You’re good with kids.” Isak says hoarsely, not missing the opportunity to tease Even, even if it causes the invisible hands clasped around his windpipe to clench tighter.

Even climbs into bed, wrapping his arms around Isak and pressing his lips to the crown of his head. “What did I say about talking?” Isak revels in the warmth, and Even sighs. “I guess I have to be. I’m the big brother now that Jon’s moved out. It does get a bit annoying at times, but I don’t want to take it out on them.”

“Why--” Isak doubles over into a bout of coughing, and Even frowns. “Fine. _Herregud_.” 2 He leans over to the laptop, opening a blank document. _Why do you call her bird?_ He types, and Even sighs.

“When she was little, she used to run away. She wouldn’t come back unless I was the one who went and got her.” Even clears his throat, swallowing hard before he continues. “Then I had some problems,” Even pauses again, looking at Isak carefully to see if he has to elaborate, and seems to decide he doesn’t need to disclose anything further. “And, uh, she asked me why I liked to run away too. So, I told her I wanted to be a bird. Fly away. Look at everyone from far away then come back when I felt better. Sort of true. Anyway, she said she wanted to be one too.” Even trails off, looking down at their hands tangled together. 

There are a few moments of silence before Isak starts to cough again, and Even shifts back into his normal persona, moving one of his hands to Isak’s back, making slow circles. When Isak’s finally done, his throat feels raw and his head feels like a brick, so he lets himself sink back into Even’s side.

He takes the keyboard again and types _I used to feel like that too, when I was with my_ his fingers hesitate over the “m” key before he decides to instead write _parents._ Even nods, taking in the unspoken understanding.

“Sometimes…” He trails off, as if considering whether he wants to continue. “Sometimes I worry she’s going to end up like me. She’s…” Isak knows what Even’s afraid of, he’s not going to make him say it.

_It’s gonna be ok_

“I know, just-things can be okay but still hurt, you know? I don’t want her to feel-They’ve taken her for tests and everything, every time they say they don’t know, they have to wait and see. And I mean...I’ve seen it. _I know_ , Isak. I know something’s wrong. But I just…” He stops again, and Isak worries the older boy might cry. Isak kisses his cheek. Even won’t meet his gaze. “I couldn’t bear it. If they said she was like me. It would kill me. It’s gonna kill me.” He’s whispering.

_She’s gonna be ok and so are you. If it happens she’ll have somebody who understands. Also, things haven’t turned out too terribly for you. On the whole._

Even kisses his forehead, and Isak winces at the strangely cold sensation. He’s starting to feel warm, almost hot, and Even’s touches have started to feel like ice on his skin. He doesn’t know if that’s good or bad.

“You’re so smart. How’d I get so lucky, huh?” Isak can tell the problem isn’t resolved, not even close, but at least Even seems to feel better for the moment. There are a few moments more of quiet before Even turns his attention back to the laptop. He pulls the show back up, seeming to shake off the emotion from only a few minutes before. Isak’s noticed that this is one of the things Even is very good at - swallowing his thoughts, not letting them show on his face. “So. Let’s return to the...foggy...monster-infested...american world of Stranger Things, where everything is just…” Even’s struggling to come up with a witty adjective, “strange as fuck. And well directed.” 

With that, the tension is broken. 

They sit in silence for awhile - the only sounds coming from the laptop - Even running his fingers through Isak’s hair reassuringly. The show plays on, but Isak isn’t sure either of them are paying attention. Even seems more invested in evaluating Isak’s physical condition - covertly testing his forehead with the back of his hand, running his fingers over the swollen glands in his throat. Isak’s focused both on trying not to break out into a coughing jag, and the feeling of Even’s cold fingers.

Isak turns to face him, and Even looks mildly surprised.

“Sorry. Am I bothering you?” Isak shakes his head, and Even flashes a small, brief smile. “Okay.” Gently, he presses a kiss to Isak’s forehead, carding his fingers through his hair. 

“You’re really good at this.” He finally says, and though the pain is immediate he doesn’t regret speaking.

“At what?” Even looks half confused and half entertained. “Lying in bed with my boyfriend? I’m not better than you. I don’t know how much skill something like that requires.” Isak shakes his head, and is about to speak when Even holds up a finger. “Don’t talk. I’m going to guess.” Isak smiles. There are a few seconds of silence, Even’s eyes moving deliberately over Isak’s face. “I’m very good at...Jesus. We’re not really doing much, are we? _Faen._ ”3 Another pause. “I know it. I’m positive. I’m great at looking incredible despite not having showered, and wearing only boxers, socks, and a sweatshirt. Solved. Got it.” Isak smiles.

“No.” Even reacts in his typical bullshitting mode, moving his eyebrows and his hands and his mouth all at once. It succeeds in pulling a hoarse laugh from Isak.

“What then?” It’s then Isak realizes he’s going to have to say it, and he feels himself blush.

“Taking care of me.” he doesn’t know why exactly he’s embarrassed, but he is, and it’s not pleasant.

“Really?” He sounds almost intrigued. Maybe he wasn’t expecting something genuine, or, Isak thinks, maybe he’s terrible and Isak just doesn’t know the difference. Isak can tell he’s trying to come up with something funny or witty or clever, but he hesitates. “Well, you’re sick, and I’m your boyfriend. And I love you.”

“But you’re good at it.” Isak’s throat still hurts, but he doesn’t care.

“So? You’d prefer I be bad?” He smiles, not waiting for Isak to reply. “Thanks. To be honest though, I’m not thinking about it.” Isak clears his throat, but Even starts to speak before Isak can start. “I know what you’re going to ask. What am I thinking about, then? Good question.” He adjusts his arm around Isak’s shoulders, “I’m just thinking about you, and how you’re feeling. How I can make you feel better. That’s it.”

“It’s working.” He can’t help but let his head fall against Even’s shoulder.

“Let’s not think about your crippling illness. I’ve got it handled, obviously.” He kisses Isak’s temple. “Let us, instead, observe the cinematic genius that is the television phenomenon, Stranger Things.” Isak moves closer, trying to ward off the growing dizziness that’s creeping up on him. The heat is making him disoriented, his thoughts are slightly cloudy, and he hopes if all his weight is held up by Even it’ll make the whole thing easier. He’s seen the show before, and he’s fairly sure Even knows this, but he figures if he’s going to make Even take care of him he might as well let him have some fun.

“There! Where’s that from.” Even taps the spacebar, pausing the show. “Do you know?” 

“Can’t say I do.” Isak’s throat is killing him, but he really doesn’t want to crush Even’s excitement.

Even laughs slightly. “It’s small. The chairs are the same as in Poltergeist. Builds tension.”

“Nerd.” Isak nuzzles closer to the older boy. “I remember the ET one. And they _say_ Poltergeist in the first episode.” 

“Everyone knows the ET one. You couldn’t even get Stand By Me. Don’t try to flaunt your knowledge.”

“Snob and a nerd.” Isak rasps before breaking into a hacking coughing fit. Even rubs his back as he gasps for air.

“Hold on. I have to point out all of the Alien and Nightmare on Elm Street references in Chapter Eight. You can’t die on me.” Isak lets out a weak chuckle, pressing back further into Even’s chest. The joy in Even’s voice is almost gone, and Isak feels guilty.

“Sorry.” Isak finally chokes out, and Even frowns.

“Don’t be sorry. Are you kidding me? There’s no one I’d rather do this with.” In a clear moment of word association and lyric recall, Isak blurts out the name of the song.

“ _Fem Fine Frøkner_.” 4 Even laughs. “It’s the smoke line then that one then the chorus.”

“You said you weren’t a fan!”

“Me? Do I look like a fan?” Isak scrunches up his eyebrows and moves his head back in mock astonishment.

“ _Jaaaaa._ ”5 Even draws out. Isak shakes his head.

“ _Nei!_ 6 It’s always on!” Isak sees Even’s face and stops. “Joking? You’re fucking with me?!” The words are coming out broken and harsh, but he can’t stop himself.

“When am I not?” Even smiles wide, and sits up straight. He starts to move the laptop off their legs, and Isak grabs his arm.

“Wher-” Isak breaks into another fit, and Even supports his trembling frame until he’s finished.

“I’m gonna make some tea. Also, your fever is crazy and I’m pretty sure you haven’t taken anything so I’ve got a couple things to get done. You can sleep for a little while, you’re tired. I can tell.” Even’s still clutching Isak’s shoulders, attempting to prevent him from keeling over.

“I can come.” Isak barely makes it through the sentence, and when he’s done, his chest aches. His ears are ringing, he’s so hot he can hardly see straight, but he doesn’t want to be alone.

“Ok, just no talking. Promise. I don’t want you hurting yourself.” Even starts to climb down the ladder from his lofted bed to the floor. “And...no kissing. In front of my family. It’s not bad or anything, they’ll just...never let me hear the end.”

\---

“Even! I want hot chocolate!” Sofia is whining from her place at the kitchen table, Thea in the seat beside her. Isak is sitting too, trying to call as little attention to himself as possible. He’s wearing a pair of Even’s sweatpants, which are far too big, and is somehow now freezing cold, and shivering despite the fact that he’s clutching a mug of tea and has one of Even’s beanies on.

“You already had some.” Even says, and flips one of the pancakes.

“So?” Sofia protests, and Even laughs.

“So one is enough.”

“Isak!” Sofia shouts, and Even turns around.

“He can’t talk.”

“Is he ok?” Thea pipes up. Even lifts her onto the counter away from the stove so she’s at more of an eye level. 

“Not right now but he will be. Do you remember when you were sick, little Bird?” Even asks looking her in the eye and making a serious face. Thea thinks for a second before giggling and shaking her head. Even makes an astonished face.

“Really?” he says poking her stomach. “You don’t remember! It was only last month! Do you…” he pauses for emphasis, “Remember how to make pancakes?” He finishes tickling her sides and she shrieks with laughter, nodding. “Sof?” He calls out over his shoulder. “Do you want to help?”

“No. It's dumb.” Even scoffs.

“well it won't be so dumb when you're eating them yourself now, will it?” he ruffles her hair and she smiles. “Good. Everyone's happy. But you remember when you were sick?” he's looking back at Thea. She shakes her head. “Well, you didn't feel good and since I'm your big brother I helped you feel better. I'm helping Isak feel better.”

“What about you?” Thea doesn't seem to grasp the depth of her question, swinging her legs back and forth over the edge of the counter.

“What about me?” Even repeats.

“Yeah. When you don't feel good.”

“Uh...” He hesitates, “I guess I help myself.” 

“What about Mamma? And Isak?”

“Mamma has other important things to do. Isak…” Even trails off. “Isak hasn't seen me feeling sick. If he did, I'm sure he'd make me feel better.”

“Isak is nice?”

“Oh Isak is very nice.” Isak smiles slightly, but his stomach is turning. Does anyone take care of Even when he’s feeling sick? Not when he’s manic or depressed, but just when he has a cold or a headache? When he’s feeling how Isak feels, freezing and aching and burning up - he’s alone?

“Even,” He forces the word out, and immediately Thea reacts I'm extreme surprise.

“Ev!” She shrieks, and Even laughs.

“I heard. It's alright.” He shifts his attention to Isak. “You ok?”

“Yeah b-” Even kisses him quickly, stopping his words. It only lasts a moment, but Isak immediately understands why Even had warned him not to kiss in front of his siblings.

“Gross! Even! Ugh!” Sofia pouts. Thea laughs.

“Alright, alright, not like you've never seen a kiss before.” Even says, making a small “hush” gesture at Isak. “Don't hurt yourself.” he whispers, face serious for only a moment.

“Ugh.” Sofia says again, obviously trying to regain her brother’s attention.

“But what was he gonna say?” Thea asks. She looks at Isak. “What were you gonna say?”

“He was gonna say he's very excited to eat these pancakes, and that he's going to drink his tea that I so lovingly made for him. And that he's going to telepathically communicate with me from now on, or he's going to hurt his voice. Right Isak?” Even waits a beat, closing his eyes and touching his temple. “He said yes.”

“No!” Thea giggles, and Even raises his eyebrows.

“I don't know...I'm pretty sure.” He grabs a pen and a cheap pad, placing them on the table in front of Isak.

 _Were you serious?_ Isak scribbles, and Even looks confused. _About the caretaking thing. There's nobody?_ Even looks slightly uncomfortable.

“Nope. Uh,” He turns back to the stove, flipping one of the pancakes. “Yeah. It's fine. Bird, do you wanna stir this up for me?” He hands her a wood spoon.

“But can you make the shape? You have to make the shapes!” 

“Don’t worry. I’ll make the shapes. You gonna stir? It’s crucial.” She nods, and moves the spoon around in the already combined batter. He pushes some of her hair out of her face, looking at her with an an expression Isak can tell is reserved for times like these. It’s a steady gaze, a soft smile.

Though it's clear Even doesn't want to discuss it, the fact that he's so self-sufficient is bothering Isak. It almost makes him mad. Even, one of the most selfless people Isak’s ever met, in the few moments he needs to be selfish, can’t be.

He makes a promise to himself then - he won’t ever let Even feel alone like that again.

\-----

Three weeks later, it happens. The way Even danced around the topic was too familiar to Isak: when Even felt a slight chill walking through the streets of Oslo, he had tried to brush it off; again when they went to the school cafeteria and Even couldn’t smell anything. Even protested that he was not sick, thank you for your concern, Isak.

That day, it was Even lying in bed with a fever, and Isak hovering around him. 

“This really isn’t necessary.” Even looks small and fragile curled up under his loft with a comforter over his shoulders and head. Isak sits beside him, hugging his side, holding the blanket tightly on him. 

“Shhh!” Isak squeezes him slightly. “I am taking care of you.” Even grimaces.

“You know you could take care me without making me into a burrito.” Isak smiles. 

“Nope! This is the Even Bech Næsheim approved way to health. I asked Thea and she said so.” 

“ _Faen_. 7 I was pretty sure she still thought you were mute.”

“Nope. You shouldn't kid her so much, she takes your word like gospel. Pretty sure she's convinced I'm a telepath.” 

“Also, for the record, burrito blanket strategy works a lot better when the burrito stuffing is eight years old and already very tired.”

“Wait, how old are you then?” Even laughs, breaking free of the blanket prison and pushing himself up on shaky arms. Isak puts a hand on his chest. “Whoa. Where do you think you're going, huh?” Isak can feel the fever burning through Even’s shirt.

“I'm thirsty.” 

“Well I have some news for you, buddy.” Even smiles, raising his eyebrows.

“News for me?” 

Isak can't keep a straight face. “Yeah, _Jævel _.” 8 Even seems incredulous. “This is how this thing works, you're sick, I'm the boss.”__

__“You're the boss? I don't know if that's how it's supposed to work.”_ _

__“Well, that's how it's working. I am not good at this, I'm realizing.” Even’s still smiling. “Come to think of it, I’ve literally never done this before in my life.” Even moves to get up further, but Isak seems to remember his main point. “Anyways, I get all the stuff. For you. Because I'm the boss. And you're sick.”_ _

__“Ok, well, can I give-”_ _

__“Shhhhhhhh!” Isak moves a finger to Even’s lips. “Don’t talk.”_ _

__“This is different, I don’t-”_ _

__Isak cuts him off then, planting a kiss on his lips, his hand moving to the older boys cheek. “Yeah, that’s definitely still a fever,” he remarks, despite Even’s exasperated groan. “You’re not leaving this bed. You’re gonna have to fight me.”_ _

__“But the water--”_ _

__“Even,” Isak says stopping his protests once again as he climbs down the ladder, walking away from the bed. “It’s fine. I’ll get it.” He lingers in the doorway for half a second. “Just, let me take care of you, okay?” he asks softly._ _

__“Okay.” Even responds automatically. Isak turns to leave, but Even stops him. “Hey, uh...Isak.”_ _

__“Yes. That’s my name.”_ _

__“I really...like this.” Isak narrows his eyes._ _

__“Yeah?”_ _

__“I like not having to be...responsible. For anything. Now...for the next few minutes...it’s nice.” Isak smiles and gently closes the door behind him. Even feels his shoulders sink into the mass of blankets and closes his eyes._ _

__“Even’s okay?” Thea’s standing outside the door, she's presumably been waiting for Isak to come out for a while. He smiles._ _

__“Yeah. It’s all gonna be okay.”_ _

**Author's Note:**

> 1: bastard/fucker/etc.  
> 2: Oh my god  
> 3: fuck  
> 4: 5 fine ladies  
> 5: Yes  
> 6: No  
> 7: fuck  
> 8: bastard/fucker/etc.
> 
>  
> 
> Send us prompts [HERE](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com/ask)!


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